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This group is for anyone who has in the past or does now suffer with depression.
Know you are not alone, we are here to help one another.
Latest Activity: Feb 28
Below are several testimonies, if you wish to add your testimony please post it in the comments section and then I will add it to the main section.
If you wish to talk to me privately feel free to contact me by message on here.
God Bless you all.
Testimony - Jean Winter.
All my life I've felt alone and unloved. I don't even feel that I was ever part of a family. Even as a child being the oldest I had to sort out my own problems. Then when I had my own family I still felt like an outsider.
Thinking back I wonder if that's why I'm like I am today. I find it hard to talk to anyone if I have any problems. I try to hide my feelings and work things out for myself. Sometimes when something really gets to me I explode but even then I'll only let so much out. I just can't let anyone see how much they have hurt me.
I've been told I can't let things go. When I've been hurt in some way no matter how trivial it might seem to that person I can't let it go for a while no matter how I try. Eventually I let it go but it's very rare that I forget.
Sometimes it would be nice to just be held and told that you are loved or that everything is going to work out fine even if there isn't anything wrong. Just to feel loved, wanted and needed. We all need re-assurance from the person we love, even if we are living with them and we lie next to them in bed every night.
They say what you've never had you never miss. I don't feel this is true. Each one of us has a heart. We all need to feel part of a family but most of all each and everyone of us need to feel loved, wanted and needed.
Is there something wrong with me? Or am I right.
Maybe some of this is what lead upto the depressed state I got into a couple of years ago.
I'll try and explain that now:-
Do you ever:-
1. Feel no one cares if you live or die?
2. Hate yourself?
3. Have days where you feel constantly sick and want to lie in bed, just wanting to go to sleep and never wake up again?
4. When you look through a mirror all you see is this over weight ugly witch staring back at you?
5. You can’t face food?
6. Everything you try to do is wrong?
About two years ago I took that one step further. I took an overdose.
I feel this is the right time to talk about this, in the hope that if you’re in same position you know you are not alone. Many before and many after us have and will go through it. To those of you who haven’t hopefully it will give a little insight.
Somehow I got through the first twelve months after my husband passed away, I sorted everything out and then I planned a vacation to go and see my family in England. Maybe that’s what carried me through, I had something to look forward to.
I wanted to come back to Canada, England didn’t feel like home anymore. Then about 5 months after I returned the depression started to set in. I felt no one cared if I lived or died and that no-one loved me. I had all the feelings I’ve listed above and more.
I had it all worked out. My friend had gone to Germany to see her Grandchildren, I’m a private person so my neighbours don’t find it unusual if they don’t see me for days on end. I wouldn’t be found until it was too late.
I woke up three days later. God must have had other plans for me, even though I didn’t realize it at the time.
The next few months were a struggle. I had to fight with myself everyday not to take another overdose. Then I started to lose the fight with myself. I was ready to make another attempt to take my life. This is when God stepped in. I heard a song “Teach Me” – Ken Rich. I wrote to Ken and he told me about his site “Indie Gospel Artists”. Even though I can’t sing a note I’ve always loved music so I joined Indie. In many ways I’ve gone from strength to strength, thanks to Ken’s song and Indie Gospel.
It’s not easy by any means to get over depression. I’m not really sure if it ever goes away completely. I'll probably always have those feelings I listed above. But I do know I have to be strong and fight back, no matter how easy it seems just flip the lid on the pill bottle and end it all. I know now there are people out there who love me and would miss me.
Thank you God for your love and giving me a second chance.
Thank you Ken for “Teach Me” and letting me run riot on Indie.
Thank you Jim for being you, loving me and always being there for me.
Copyright Jean Winter
Testimony - Marty Clayton Banfield.
Truly an awesome testimony Jean! Now must be the time for you to tell this, I am sure it will help someone here! I struggled with sickness/pain and bad depression in 1997-1998. I reached out to food for my comfort though.
Your testimony prompts me to share a part of my "Damascus Road" experience with everyone here also. I had lived a life of great sin, from the time I was about 14 until I was led back to Christ in 1995. I was "saved" at an altar at a church when I was 12 years old, and truly believe that I was saved, so I believe I was in a backslidden condition.
I was only writing secular songs, and playing in clubs and bars. I had not yet been given my first Gopel song. I was living in much sin, when I began to get very sick with migraine headaches and uncontrollable high blood pressure. Drs. put me on different pills, trying to cure the headaches and bring the blood pressure down. Nothing worked and it was so bad I could not get off of my couch, because the pain in my head was so bad. I would go to the emergency room 3 times a week, begging them to help me. It was so bad that I even remember scratching the walls in my bedroom and begging for God to help me. This went on , this suffering for about 3 or 4 years or more. Then one day in particular, yet another dr. gave me yet another pill.
I had already taken so many "new " pills and would end up in the hospital with terrible reactions to the pills, so I was reluctant to take another one, but in desperation I did. Well, this pill did worse than all the other pills, and I had such a horrible reaction that I went into deliriums and turned white as a sheet (I am told). I knew,after taking that pill, and how I felt, that I was going to literally die. I knew it with such a certainty in my heart.
When I knew I was going to die from this bad reation to the pill, I got this terrible feeling, an eerie feeling, that I was going to go to hell when I died, and I KNEW this also in my spirit. It was a very creepy but urgent feeling. Out of the right corner of my vision, as I began feeling this eerieness, I saw 2 or 3 black shadowy type figures come into my bedroom, and they came past the side of my bed, through the entrance to the bedroom, and they went and stood at the end of my bed! I knew with absolute certainty that they were there for ME. I knew that they were waiting to take my soul to hell.
At that moment, with those shadowy figures standing at the end of my bed, I began beseeching the Lord to SAVE ME, and not let me go to hell. I promised I would serve him, and probably all sorts of other promises, if He would just SAVE ME. IN my heart, I begged the Lord like I had never begged before in my life. I did not want to go to hell!
Right afterward, I began to feel a PEACE in my heart and my spirit, and so I looked up at the end of the bed, but then these white shadowy figures floated in the same way the black shadow figures came in,and I could see them, and they went to the end of the bed, and they ran the black figures back out of the room!
I could see it all, but it was all in shadowy form. Let me tell you, it was not a hallucination, it was real. That was my Damascus Road experience, and I know for an absolute FACT, that I was truly brought back from satan's clutches that afternoon, by the Lord Jesus Christ.
Still I stayed in awful pain from the migraines. Finally one night I told the Lord to either heal me or let me DIE, I couldn't stand that awful pain anymore. I went to bed that night, and in a dream I heard the Lord speak to me! In the dream He said, "Go back into the studio and do your music!" And He spoke it very firmly.
So, I began getting my secular songs together, 10 of them! I found a studio, got a quote for an album and began saving up my money. The studio owner allowed me to come in with $100 here and $100 there. So I began recording once a week! I began feeling better, and the music made me forget about my illness, and in about 9 months I had lost almost 80 lbs. and felt great! I didn't even have the migraines anymore, only rarely.
Now, I had done almost the whole album, and THEN the Lord gave me my FIRST Gospel song! Oh no, I had already spent alot of money recording secular song, and I felt convicted about them now! I asked the Lord what to do. He showed me that I was NOT to put out the secular songs, and he began giving me more Gospel Songs to record! I had to take a great loss of money on those 10 secular songs, but I didn't mind! I knew what the Lord had DONE. He had used those secular songs to get me BACK into the music, and so He really answered my prayers.
Then I was writing and recording only Gospel/Christian Music, and with my first Gospel Song, the Lord baptised me in the Holy Spirit also! So, it was the MUSIC that helped me! But, all the Glory goes to God for using the music to get me back on the right track with HIM!
So, again, I can see the Lord's hand in Ken's song, and that the Lord reached out through that song, to show you that He loved you. Just as the Lord is reaching out in all songs that glorify Him. He is reaching out to all of us, through a song, a word, to show us that it is HIS love that is the only thing that can really make a difference to us. Music goes straight to the heart many times quicker than just a spoken word!
We are here to show that same love to others, and as we do, we will get that same love back. I know all of us are on a journey, but it was still the Lord's MUSIC that reached out to you Jean, and I am glad that He did! Well, if I were there right now, I would give you the biggest hug! You have touched my heart with your testimony, thank you Jesus! I want to post some song lyrics here, that I think are appropriate: It's the Martina McBride song, "ANYWAY"...I am sure alot of you have heard it...
You can spend your whole life buildin' Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away-Build it anyway
You can chase a dream That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway
God is great, But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, I do it anyway
This world's gone crazy, It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart, For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away, Love 'em anyway
God is great, But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray, It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway, Yeah - I do it anyway
You can pour your soul out singing, A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang- Sing it anyway
Yea, sing it anyway-Yeah, yeah!
I sing, I dream, I love anyway...
Copyright Marty Clayton Banfield
Testimony - Devora Clark
Dear Marty, your testimony is so very similar to mine. I was a Blues singer/guitarist in the Nashville, TN, bar rooms, writing songs about being brokenhearted b/c of the abuses I suffered as a child, like Jean, the 1st-born with all the responsibility as the oldest of 7, I saw too much without understanding, I was taught to lie to myself as a child, when I saw things I should not have seen (adultery), I learned to hate myself, was rejected by my family for exposing sexual abuse, and walked alone in pain, singing the Blues with true conviction b/c it was living deeply in my heart. But then one night, the Lord captured my attention and gave me my 1st Gospel song in my sleep by the time I was nearing 40 yrs. old (I couldn't be still enough to hear Him any other way) and it became my song of repentance, "My Tainted Heart." You can read the detailed story online: Delilah's Story (click on Delilah's Story and then read chapters 1 - 5 of "My Life."). I have a song called "Shadows" which talks about the same shadowy figures that Marty describes, and those, I saw, AFTER I was saved ... which shows that I was living in sin after salvation which gave satan authority to plague me (wages of sin = death). I had to go through deliverance to break soul ties from fornication. I was delivered from depression by a prophet from Colorado. I will be eternally grateful to him, for the doctors couldn't help me when I took a test for clinical depression ... they said I didn't test for depression, even though the heaviness was so intense that I labored to breathe and was afraid of waking up in the mornings because I didn't know when "it" was going to be there (not knowing that "it" was a spirit of heaviness - I had thought it was just my "mood swings"). The Lord also told me NOT to publish the secular songs from my 3rd CD, entitled "He Loves Me ... He Loves Me Not" and so now, I'm going into the recording studio to start working on my 4th CD, "Armour of Light" as soon as God provides the finances. My music is a testimony of the process of sanctification:
CD1: "Wildly Innocent" songs I wrote coming out of the darkness
CD2: ""Set Her Free" by the end of this CD, I was finally walking free from fornication, alcoholism, drug addictions, and depression.
CD3: not published at God's request
CD4: "Armour of Light" will be praise rock songs to celebrate my sobriety, giving God ALL the praise!
So ladies, thank you for sharing your hearts. Know that God is a big God, full of compassion, full of mercy, and He equips us for the abundant life here ... I know how important it is to put on the full armor of God to overcome all of the wiles of the devil, and the evil spirits do their best to tear us down. I would have preferred "cakewalk Christianity" but it doesn't exist. So, pray without ceasing, flee from temptation, stay in the Word 24/7, and sometimes we will have to isolate to spend time with the Almighty. I'm finding that the closer I get to God, the less most Christians understand me, for they settle for salvation without sanctification or depth. Learn to intercede for others, continue to seek God and He will be a blessing as we choose to trust and obey Him, no matter what the world says or thinks. Jesus/Yahshua is our rock, our Hope, our Joy, our strength, and the Lover of our mended souls. Hallelujah! Devora:)
Copyright Devora Clark
Testimony - Zack Martin
Many things have happened to me over the past years. I know what depression is because of experience. When I had to give up my ministry because of my health, I had many times that all I could do was cry. I know it's not very manly for a grown man to cry, but I did. Saddened by the many things that were wrong with me health wise, I found myself on many occasions without words of expression, only tears before God. I thought that my faith would and could sustain me in these hours, and I did find the comfort of the Lord during these times. Have you ever seen a time when there were no words in you to express your feelings to God, just tears? I would lay across my bed and cry tears to the Lord.
If you have had these times, please know that God sees your tears and knows your inner most thoughts and feelings. Romans 8:38-39 says, 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. NKJV God's love is with us during these times.
This has spoken to me on many occasions, and brought me through difficult times. Lately I have had to endure so much physical pain that I have actually cried tears to God. With the wickedness of this world getting worse and worse as the years go by, many people are experiencing pain and depression. The old saying, "The Ground is Level at the foot of the Cross," brings into mind that we are all equal before God, but His Word has many promises for His Children during these times. We should seek our Lord to sustain us and bring us through these times, and that's what I have done, and I am still doing. But. you should also do this because this world isn't a bed of roses, it has trials, sicknesses, and pain that attacks us on every hand.
Music helps me through times like this. I may not be physically able to sing during times of pain, but listening to gospel songs always gives me strength as I try to cope with these pains and problems. So, with both Scripture and music, we are better off. One of favorite groups are "The Issacs," and Sonya Issac wrote a song that I have left this link too, and I hope and pray the song speaks to you as much as it has to me.
From a Loving Heart, Rev Zack Martin
Copyright - Zack Martin
Testimony - Zack Martin
Where I Am Here In 2011
There is just a little over a month left in 2011, and I find myself doing some soul searching. The holiday seasons of November and December hit hard on my life these days. My oldest sister looks after me and I live with her. My children both are married and live in Dothan. I have been having Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners with them for the past few years. My physical condition worsens with each passing month, and I am in constant pain. I have a CD ministry, and I am a member of Indie Gospel Artists. I post my CD's there and I also write articles that are posted there. It is a world wide Internet site and I am reaching people from the Unites States, Canada, and all around the world (including Pakistan and India). It is humbling to be a witness for Christ to more people than I have ever dreamed I could reach. Yet, still I find myself crying a lot. Sometimes I blame it on the constant pain I am in, but lately I find myself in tears and I really don’t know why?
I believe it is more because I miss my family so much. Since my wife, Debbie, left me in 1999, and my children have married and have their own families, I find myself missing out on so much. Debbie and I finally divorced in 2007, and she has remarried, so the finality of our life together is totally and completely over. She is and will probably always be the love of my life. That, plus my bad health, and lack of contact with my family makes me long for the days we had together as a family. I feel like the odd man out every time we get together, but my love for them all is as great if not greater than it has ever been. I pray for them constantly because as much as they were raised and taught in the church, they are not in church. I claim the promise of God’s word of training up a child in the ways they should go, and when they are old they will NOT depart for it. I guess the worse part of this whole thing is that I don’t do not know what it was that caused the downfall of my family. With the situation as it is I feel like a failure. I long for a restoration, but reality says it will not take place. I spend most of these days working on music, and writing. I study God’s word for things that help not only me, but also those that read my articles.
Thanksgiving Day, 2011 - I found myself in constant pain today, but, I went to the Thanksgiving dinner my kids hosted. After lunch the pain in my back got so bad that I left early and came home. We are planning to meet for a concert in Dothan on Sunday night. This will be the first time in years that we will be in church together, even though it is at a concert. I have learn lately not to just put things day by day, but also hour by hour. Through all of this, the great thing is that I give God the honor, glory, and praise for it all. If I can keep the faith, God will give the victory. Gerald Crabb wrote a song namely, “Sometimes I Cry,” that fits me to the T. Here are the words of it:
http://indiegospel.org/video/sometimes-i-cry Here is a link to the song.
Verse 1 - “I look the part - Blend in with the rest of the church crowd - I know the routine - I could list all the Bible Studies in town - Watch Christian TV - I Know all the preachers, their cliches - Been Borne again - without a doubt I know that I’m Saved.
Chorus - But sometimes I hurt and sometimes I cry - Sometimes I can’t get it right - no matter how Hard I seem to try - Sometimes I fall down - Stumble all Over my own disguise - I try to look Strong - as The whole world - but sometimes Alone I cry.
Verse 2 - I try to speak faith - never give the devil one inch To get in - I do Worship and Praise - let everybody know just where I stand - On the back Of My ride - is a fish and a cross - for the world to See - I know God is good all the time - Yes, There’s no doubt for me.”
This songs fits perfectly how I feel most days lately, and I know that even though I have no words Gods has the ability to see and understand my tears. I believe tears are a language that God understands. I hope this brief testament helps those that are in the same boat (so to speak) as I am in many days.
Rev. Zack Martin Sr.
Copyright - Zack Martin
Testimony - Zack Martin
"I AM BLESSED!"
Tonight in my Bible reading and prayer time, I realized something that I already knew. Sometimes we get so caught up in our frailties that we forget the most important thing in our lives. When I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior, it was not for just the good times, but it was also to carry us through bad times. God never promised us a bed of roses, nor did He say there wouldn’t be trials and temptations. What He did promise was that He would be with us through these times, and if need be would carry us.
Prov 16:9 “A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps . NKJV
God’s direction of our steps insures that we are in His will. As with Job, being in God’s will also means that we will suffer and go through times not so good. If you aren’t familiar with Job’s trials and tribulation, you should make the book of Job a priority to read. In Job 1 : 1-3 we see exactly the kind of man Job was:
There was a man in the land of Uz, whose name was Job; and that man was blameless and upright, and one who feared God and shunned evil. 2 And seven sons and three daughters were born to him. 3 Also, his possessions were seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen, five hundred female donkeys, and a very large household, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the East. NKJV
Job was a man that was BLESSED by God in everything he had. He was the greatest of all people in the East, and yet he would go through the trials and tribulations of Satan. He lost everything he had had, but he WOULD NOT curse God. With his strong faith, he overcame everything Satan did to him. Satan took his family, and his riches, and Job was on rock bottom. You ask, “Is this what faith in God will brings?” Herein is my answer to that question. God did NOT then, and will NOT now do anything bad to hurt us. Satan is the one that did then, and does now cause bad things to happen in his life then, and our lives now.
It is the battling between Satan and God that puts us in trials and temptations. Satan did everything except kill Job, and yet Job was Blessed. Job’s response to these terrible things is recorded in Job 23:11-12.
11 “My foot has held fast to His steps ; I have kept His way and not turned aside. 12 I have not departed from the commandment of His lips; I have treasured the words of His mouth More than my necessary food.” NKJV
I see Satan’s attacks today on God’s servants, and understand more clearly the whys of these attacks. Ministers of God are being attacked by Satan to the point that, as Job, they wonder if these attacks are caused by anything they did. I know that I have gone through that in my own personal life. God has blessed me greatly throughout my ministry. I have had some rough roads, but God has always been there with me. The day I realized that I was no longer physically able do my job as a minister of music, or youth pastor, to me was one of the worst days of my life. For three LONG years, I was devastated and felt SO DEFEATED, that I wouldn’t even try do things I could still could do, like sing or be a prayer warrior for those that ARE able bodied to minister for Him. Job was at that point, and he chose to walk in HIS steps. In 2009 I made that same choice, and just like Job, I AM BLESSED!
I have been so fortunate to have had God’s Blessings throughout my life. It started with being born to wonderful God Loving Parents that made sure I was raised in God’s House. It wasn’t a choice on whether or not to go to church on Sundays, it was expected. We had a devotion every night before bedtime where Scripture was read and expounded on, and then a time where we ALL prayed, then off to bed. There were four of us kids, and everyone of us are Christians.
A little known story is about me. I was a breach birth, and in 1951 the birth of children wasn’t as modern as it is today. First, I was born at home. The doctor came to the house, and because I was in the breech position, it was hard on me and my mother. The doctor had to literally turn me so that mother could give birth to me. After the birth I was all bruised up, and the doctor didn’t think I would make it. Mother, being the Godly lady that she was, prayed to the Lord, and promised Him that if He let me live she would give me to Him. It wasn’t until I felt God’s call to me for the ministry that she told me, and so she knew that one day I would be a minister for God. I was raised with this in mind, and I was taught about serving God. So, I AM BLESSED even from the beginning of life
Mother told me on many occasions that she prayed for me and my ministry daily. She was my prayer warrior! She passed away in 2005, but knew nothing for over a year. The last year she was alive she couldn’t speak or recognize anyone. She was 92 years old at her passing. Prayer Warriors help stave off the fiery darts of Satan. So, again, I was Blessed!
In 2006 I gave up my ministry, and as I said went through 3 years of depression. I remember asking a minister friend of, “Brother, why is this happening to me?” His reply was, “Well Zack, who had you rather it happen to? You are a servant of God, and He knows you are ready! Had you rather it happen to someone lost, without the saving knowledge of Jesus?” That is what I REALLY NEEDED to hear.
1 Peter 2:21-22 says it best:
1 Peter 2:21-22
21 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps :
22 "Who committed no sin, Nor was deceit found in His mouth";
Jesus was God’s only begotten Son, and He suffered far more than I have. As an example for me, my faith was strengthen, and God began opening up new doors of service to Him. I AM BLESSED! O, I realize my handicaps, and I know that I don’t have many years left to live, but I WILL live as long as God desires me too. If you are reading this, and possibly other articles I have written, I ask you, “Am I getting HIS word, and Gospel out, even with ALL of my handicaps?” I believe I am, and I am probably reaching more people than I reached in 35 years of Full Time service for the Lord. I don’t punch a clock (it’s 4 AM here now), and God wakes me up most times late at night or early in the mornings, and inspires me with messages that He wants me to share with you. I AM BLESSED! We are blessed even though we are fighting a being (Satan) that wants us defeated. If I hadn’t walked in HIS STEPS through these times, I probably wouldn’t be living today,
15 Though he slay me , yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.
I pray this has spoken to everyone that read it! No matter what I have been through, “I AM BLESSED!”
In Christ’s Name,
Rev. Zack Martin Sr.
Copyright - Zack Martin